In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
