Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize