So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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