dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
