i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Vodka?
Forever.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
