Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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