it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Randomize
