I molested 6 butterflies tonight
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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