Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
