If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
