I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
