my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
