all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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