is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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