Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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