Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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