I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
