I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
