Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
