People with herpes should wear stickers.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
