How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
