who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
