Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I faked an abortion last night.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
