apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
