ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize