Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
