He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
