The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize