We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
