Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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