I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
