I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
