Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
