saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
