Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
