you have to choose: penises or morals?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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