The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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