I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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