The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
