if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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