I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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