oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
