Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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