Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
