Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
