Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
