can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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