I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
