Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Randomize
