I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
