Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
