when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
