1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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