he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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