I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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