Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
