You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize