dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
