Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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