She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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