I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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