We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
