singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
