really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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