We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
