i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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