That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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