Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
