Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
