I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
