so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
