If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize