that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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