so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
