Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
