I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize