Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
