thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
