i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
