You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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