return my video game
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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