I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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