Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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